Update =) For Elise

Hmm. Well this post was requested, so I’d have to say that is the only reason i’m writing it. Not that it’s going to be any less enjoyable, just that it might be a little all over the place.

The last month has been completely up and down, and by that I mean the first half of it was down and the last half was for sure up. So we arrive to today. Life really is awesome. I love my job, however it does keep me quite busy, and by quite busy i mean, have not seen my dear friends in at least 2 weeks. That does make me sad, but at the same time, I was able to move on and not hurt anymore. I know those friends will be there for the rest of my life and just because my job is keeping me away doesn’t mean they will just disown me…at least I hope not.

Two weekends ago I was in Arlington at UTA at a regional basketbal tourny…which was a freakin blast. This past week I was in Austin at our conference called NIRSA for my job. That too was awesome! I love Austin, and never really took the time to see that while living in San Antonio. Now I will surely have to go visit…maybe with you Elise? Yes. This next weekend I am once again going to be out of town, this time in Fort worth at TCU for another regional basketball tournament. It is also going to be very very fun.

Good times will be had by new and old friends. Yessssssss. So basically my life in the last few months has been school, work, work, work (3 jobs), intramural sports (4 teams), working out, trying to figure out what this summer is going to look like, sharing the Gospel as boldly as I can to friends, relaxing when all of these things die down, and hoping that the summer is going to be one i remember forever.

This is the best update I can give. I will try to post more, but no promises. I love you guys with all of my heart. Seriously.

I’m movin’ on. Hopefully.

I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on

Lyrics that I don’t want.

Just picked it because I liked how it sounded, then I actually looked up and listened to the lyrics. It’s how I feel, I don’t want to, but I do. I won’t forever…I hope.

I stop to catch my breath – And I stop to catch your eye
No need to second-guess – That you’ve been on my mind
I dream days away, but that’s okay -
It’s like I want to hear a silent sound – And then hold it in my hand
But a rose won’t blossom from a ground – Of desert sand, but I like to pretend that

One day I’ll turn around – I’ll see your hand reach out
I’m only fooling myself, yeah, yeah, yeah, – But maybe when you smile
It means you’d stay awhile – Just maybe you’d save me now

Well, now it’s etched in stone – That I can’t survive alone – You have the missing piece
That I need so desperately – Yes, I slip away to a day that’ll never come
It’s like a splash of water to my face – When I suddenly realize – That you could never find a place
For me in your eyes, and I don’t know why I keep thinking

One day I’ll turn around – I’ll see your hand reach out
I’m only fooling myself, yeah, yeah, yeah, – But maybe when you smile
It means you’d stay awhile – Just maybe you’d save me now

It’s love in disguise – I’m lost in your mind – I’m lost in your eyes

One day I’ll turn around – I’ll see your hand reach out
I’m only fooling myself, yeah, yeah, yeah, – But maybe when you smile
It means you’d stay awhile – Just maybe you’d save me now – Save me now
Just maybe you’d save me now

~Kate Voegele

I don’t want to, at all.

I hate it.

I can’t tell you how much valentines day sucks when you just got out of a relationship. I had more written, but it’s not worth it. It just makes me upset to think about all of this. I wish I wouldn’t think about him.  I need your prayers please and some encouragement. Thank you.

I’m moving on.

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
– Oprah Winfrey

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
– Author Unknown

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
– Anon

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
– Thich Nhat Hanh

Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.
– Sylvia Robinson

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
– Joseph Campbell

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
– Author Unknown

I’m moving on.

My Prayer

He will allure her
He will pursue her
And call her out
To wilderness with flowers in His hand
She is responding
Beat up and hurting
Deserving death
But offerings of life are found instead

She will sing
She will sing
Oh, to You
She will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead her away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

Here in the valley
Walk close beside me
Don’t look back
For love is growing vineyards up ahead
You have called me master
And though you’re in the dark here
Call me friend
And call me lover and marry me for good

She will sing
She will sing
Oh, to You
She will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead her away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

How the story ends is
Love and tenderness in Him
Not safe, but worth it
So the valley’s up ahead
Or the ones we live
We’ll sing together
We’ll sing together

We will sing
We will sing
Oh, to You
We will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead us away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

~Shane & Shane

“Lord, sustain me in the valley. Give me ears to hear Your sweet tender voice and lead me in to acres of hope in this dry and weary land.”
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. ‘In that day,’ declares the LORD,’you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master. (Hosea 2:14-16)

Sunny Days and Great Sermons

Update: My professor is doing better, he is in recovery and should be out sometime today. Thank you so much for all of the prayers.

I went to the park today by myself, it was absolutely beautiful outside. I took a blanket, pillow, Bible, Journal, and iPOD. I had a very good time with the Lord. I listened to Shane & Shane and read some of my Bible. A lot of praying was done.

I thought about the sermon today, and how I want to be that person…the one who doesn’t live by works, the one who understands and really lives knowing that God loves her right now, in this moment and the one who knows that we can’t do anything to make God love us more or less…He (Jesus) already did it for us. I want to be the one who gives praise always, in hard times (like now) and in very good times (to come). The one who never forgets that these gifts are from Him and the one who always gives credit to the creator not the created. And mostly the one who trusts Him always, in everything, because He is always faithful.

Help me to be this person Lord.

PLEASE READ

This is going to be exteremly vauge.

One of my old teachers is in the hospital and really, really needs prayers.

Please, please say a quick prayer for him if you see this. I’m begging you to take a minute or so to ask God to heal him and make him healthy again and to give the doctors wisdom.

I’m not sure if he is a believer, but this man is one of the best people I have ever met in my life and he touches so many lives through his teaching.

I’m sorry I can’t give anymore info about him. When I can, I will. I promise.

Thank you so much. May God be with Him.

Leanne

Thank you Lord.

God was so good to me today. Seriously, how is it possible in this really hard time in my life to have days where I’m so happy and everything is just going so good…answer: God is good. I had the most fun I’ve had in a long time tonight since the big ordeal went down. I love my home group and the girls in it. I love how God brings totally random people into your life so that we can be encouraged and in turn bring Him the glory. If I don’t feel like this tomorrow at least I can look back on this blog and see that good days are possible in this and God is still good in this pain.

Thank you Lord for always being so faithful even when I can’t see it.
Thank you Lord for living up to your word or always taking care of me even when I can’t see it.
Thank you Lord for always loving me even when I don’t think I deserve it.
Thank you Lord for friends that I forget that don’t forget me.
Thank you Lord for encouragement in ways I would never even think of.
Thank you Lord for this day, today, right now, because that is all I am promised.

Thank you.

Frustrated…

Had a bad night last night. I just really want all of this pain and hurt to go away on my time, but I know that it’s not up to me or my timing.

I have to let go. I have to move on. I don’t have any patience. I get frustrated when I don’t understand. I want to be ok. I don’t want to think about him. I really wish he would be erased from my memory for a couple of months. I want to work on these things that the Lord has put in front of me, but it’s so hard with him in the back of my thoughts and worries.

Taken from another blog The Ripple Effect “I don’t want to just get through this. I WANT TO BE SCARRED FOR LIFE BY THIS! Never take me back to how I was before. Never let me forget where I’ve come from. But, never, never let me forget where I am going… It’s hard. Make me remember it every day. Just make me.”

I’m so afraid that when I do finally move on that I will fall back into the horrible place that I was at when I thought I could do things on my own and I wasn’t seeking or praying or anything. I hate admitting that because I feel so disgusting. I feel like God is just shaking His head at me. I hate it.

I don’t want to find my worth in guys or worldly things anymore. I want to trust Him with EVERYTHING and know, really know and believe, that I can’t control anything and that He has it all in His hands.  I want to read and understand. I want to live out His word, but I don’t even understand what I’m reading…how could I live it out?

If you’re reading this…please pray for me.